'Dont rush into marriage'-Lady D

Diane Oputa also known as Lady D is an American-Nigerian. She hails from South American and ended up marrying Charles Oputa, a Nigerian Musician whose stage name is Charly boy. He tips the secret of her 35 years marriage.

What's been happening for 35 years?
Sometimes, I wonder if it is really up to 35 years. Maybe it’s because one is just enjoying the ride. When you
are comfortable and you do the things you like to do and you are around people that you enjoy, you wouldn’t
just realize when time is going by. But it is going by because I see my children in college graduating with first
degrees, definitely something is changing around me. It is a long journey and we have had ups and downs
within the 36 years that we have been together. But we are happy together. A lot of couples haven’t got that
far-we are really privileged.

What I enjoyed most in marriage
Companionship. Like I said, all couples have their ups and downs but we have been able to sort things out by ourselves. Also, we communicate a lot. Talking is a key thing in any relationship and we always point this out anytime we are interviewed. Honesty and agreement are also important. We strive to make things good for ourselves and our extended family including our children and parents. We look beyond just ourselves.

Hard part of it
I guess it is just the small things that every couple experiences in a relationship. It may be disagreement in
raising the kids among others. I also have step children to look after. The bottom-line is the resolve by both
of us to make the relationship work.

My home
I have seven kids altogether out of which three are mine biologically, the rest are step children. We are all
very close. We reprimand those who are not doing well and commend those who are doing well. We try and
work with them and they know they have our love as parents. They don’t really look at me as their step mum
and that is how I have always wanted it to be. They all call me by my first name.
I hate it when they use the appellation ‘Ma’ for me. It hurts me. One of my step children came to Nigeria
some years back and when he saw me he was overwhelmed. He never knew that a step mother could have
such a positive influence on one’s life.

Coming to live in Nigeria
With regards to coming to Nigeria, I don’t think I would have changed anything. But I think if someone had
told me that I would come and live in Nigeria and have kids here, I would have told whoever the person is
that it was not possible. The first time I came to Nigeria, I wanted to stay for three months but I ended up
staying for nine months. So, it’s not about the country but the person who brought me to Nigeria. I don’t
want to brag but I am grateful to God for my relationship.

How I got hooked
From the beginning, meeting Charles was different because he was a Nigerian. I have never really gone out
with a Nigerian. I have a lot of American boyfriends but not a Nigerian. I really wanted to know much about a Nigerian man and his culture and people. That was what really intrigued me.

Coping at the home front
He takes care of his family very well. If he had not proven to be a family man, I probably would not have
been in Nigeria in the first place. He has been a good husband and father to his children.

Advice for young couples
I think they have to first get it right from the start. I think dating is very important. You need to know what
you want to get yourself into. For women, it is not because the clock is ticking and for men, it is not about
what you have. But you need to know the person you want to spend your life with before you commit
yourself. We make mistakes but people have to be careful. One of the things that work for me and my
husband is that he is not a typically and culturally Nigerian man, maybe it is because of his exposure.
Source: Vanguard Newspaper